lose/lose

....have you ever had that feeling that no matter what you do or say that the outcome in a given situation will be a lose/lose situation? so here's the latest it is not always what it seems situation... i came in to wake up rae rae after a late night of total dress up, make up, barbie diamond castle, painting nails, night with her friend hadley.... and it was 11ish and that's late for her to sleep even for a late night... and as i lifted her off my bed i noticed her little skin was pretty hot and she was asking raspily for water... and she was kind of shaking rather violently for a 2 yr old... so i found the only decent thermometer in the house and took her temp...we have them issues around here...each one i own reads different... so i'm back to the basic kind... and she had a temp not alarming... but her basic strep temp 102.5... also it is very very unusual for my kids to run a viral fever... with the exception of luke one time and each child having roseola as a toddler i don't think we've dealt with a flu, cold, viral or teething fever ever....so for my 4 it doesn't exist..... weird i know... but it's how they operate... so i had a hunch something was odd when i put her in the car and she dozed off again in the 10 minute drive to the clinic... when we got there we realized her temp was rising and now i was regretting the decision to forgo the fever reducers before taking her in... (an entire other set of issues i've delt with over the last 9 years...dose the child up take them in and they are bouncing off the docs walls and appear fine and doc doesn't investigate the symptoms i'm "making up"?? yeah like parents want their kids to spike fevers and hack up their lungs all night long!!! oh and have docs noticed how we love to take our kids into a germ infested office and let other kids snot and cough all over them just for kicks...as if!) sooo.... the first thing she says to me is.. "you didn't give her a flu shot did you?" setting the stage for the entire tone of the visit... me, "um..no" (4therecord: jess and heather hate flu shots extra funk in the system and they don't work like 80-90% anyways with otherwise normal healthy kids/adults) .....so already she has pegged me as irresponsible and stupid...thanks! I add, "i don't think this is the flu" well she says, "Why would you say that???!! i see 10 patients a day that come in with her symptoms.... pointing to what i wrote on her chart... clearly all her presenting signs show that she has the flu," as rae rae is shaking and fever is quickly rising... the np goes on "and i bet this will change your mind about the flu shot next year" and i say, "oh i doubt it, and besides it's more my husband that me with the skepticism" so they take her temp and it's now 103.4 and the np tells me very harshly and accusative pointing to rae, "this is not good!" ....and now i'm at a loss, crap i screwed up... if she has strep it stays in the 102's and never higher... ok maybe this chick is right she could have a nasty flu... so she goes on "I have to check her ears..clear... throat...so raw it's bleeding..so they culture her throat... (later neg.) and i don't mind waiting she's so lethargic that she's barely awake... so i lay next to her put my hands on her and prayed that even though this woman thought i was a complete moron please give her the wisdom to figure out exactly what was making rae so sick... and then i text jesse the nightmare of being a non flu shot participant! he stands his ground and texts me "tell them to treat her symptoms and move on" they decide to give her tylen and motrin simultaneously after i tell them to just use one (tylen) her stomach is empty she'll throw up... she says"oh no, we do it all the time" and i had to endure a tongue lashing about how all a 102 fever says is that i needed to give her something before i came in... and that again she has the flu and i need to give her meds every 4 hours.... well then, I wanted to say but didn't, 'you wouldn't be nearly as concerned about her if i had! and at 102 she won't die! and you wouldn't be about to run that urine i collected for you when she had to pee when we first came in... you're welcome.' so rae falls back asleep after knocking over an entire cup of water... about 30 min go by after i heard the np tell her assist.. to run the urine lab... so she finally returns looking perplexed.. 'so it turns out she does have a urinary track infection and from what i've been reading the last 30 min. since i don't treat or diagnose this very often, her symptoms are consistent with that, i found an antibiotic from a protocol list she can take that should take care of it, even if it's to her kidneys... all i could think is i bet that 'complains "her back hurts" part is glaring at opinionated np from the chart page... i highly doubt many 2yr olds complain about back pain.... and with that she said i could leave.... so i text jesse the diagnosis and he texts back "Double check to see if the flu shot would have kept her from getting the uti" .....nice.

...so off to the pharmacy to get her antib. and about 10 minutes into the store venture she starts throwing up all over the cart and i catch most of it in her dress and night night... ironically it looked very motrinish mixed with water! aaaggghhhh! seriously sometimes mothers do know their children like the back of their hand! ...and as i peeled the pretty cotton vomit soaked dress off of rae and wrapped her in my sweater right there in the cvs isle, i realized sighing and holding tight to my daughter pushing my cart full of cranberry juice to the checkout, the victory was not mine in this situation.... i'm still stuck with a very sick baby... who looks at me all teary eyed and says "momma can you wash my pretty dress?!"